Today, it’s like nothing has changed but everything is different.
You are not here anymore, yet you’re everywhere now… In the wind, the sun, the ocean. In the cute little birds crossing my path and in the smiles and laughter of strangers. You’re supporting me through the ground I walk on. You’re looking after me through different eyes. But the eyes and the smile I was so accustomed to are no longer here.
Today, life continues. The sun rose and it will set again tonight. People go about their daily business. I got up and had breakfast. Just like on other days. Just like before. But now I know I will never hear your voice say something new. I will never know your opinion on what I do later, tomorrow or a few years from now. Life continues but you’re no longer a phone call away. Everything goes on as if your departure was merely a little bump on everyone’s long journey… As if it went unnoticed by the majority of the world.
Everything is the same but it all changed when your heart stopped. I am still me. But I am me without my father. I can still be happy. But the happiness will never be the same as it was when you completed it. My dreams still exist but I can’t tell you about them. You are no longer here to believe in them with me. I still feel love but now the piece of my heart belonging to you hurts. And it can never be replaced… maybe only slightly healed.
Today and tomorrow won’t feel the same as before. Now that you’re gone I wish time had stopped. I wish today was a day from the past, a day where you still walked our beautiful Earth and made plans to see it all with me.
I have yet to accept that those days are over. And that tomorrow and the following days will be oh so different.